Professional party planners have stated that people are spending anywhere from $10,000-$100,000 (and more) on a bar mitzvah (or bat mitzvah). I’ve even heard tales where some bar mitzvahs organizers have flown in top name entertainers. That alone could cost in the hundreds of thousands of dollars. And I’ve also heard firsthand, via a florist colleague, that some planners have spent over $50,000 on florals alone.
What Is a Bar Mitzvah, or Bat Mitzvah?
The term “bar” means son and “bat” means daughter in Aramaic. And “mitzvah” means commandment, which refers to the Commandments of the Torah for which a bar or bat must answer in and around the age of 13 (considered the age of commandment).
Planning a Bar Mitzvah
Many parents hosting a bat or bar mitzvah want to make the event a lasting memory for their sons or daughters. And you certainly can’t fault them with that. However many are also feeling the pressure of just how much bar mitzvahs can cost.
Planning a bar mitzvah event can range from a Saturday evening party to a full-blown weekend event. Some of the components in a bar mitzvah budget include:
Friday Night Preservice Dinner – typically arranged for relatives and out-of-towners. Can include restaurant/venues, food and beverage, florist.
The Service – synagogue fee/donation, Rabbi’s fee, yarmulkes and flowers for the synagogue.
The Saturday Afternoon Kiddush – transportation, location venue fee, food and beverage
Saturday Night Party – transportation, venue fee, food and beverage, entertainment
Sunday Brunch – venue rental fee, food and beverage
Additional Items – party planner, bar mitzvah invitations, photographer/videographer, stationary, rental items (tables, chairs, linens etc.), clothing and grooming
Tips on Keeping Bar Mitzvah (Bat Mitzvah) Costs in Check
There are ways to have an outstanding bar mitzvah without having to remortgage the house. There’s nothing wrong with keeping the occasion to the Saturday night party and perhaps have a small brunch for the out-of-town guests. That alone could cut your budget in half. As well, it’s important to outline the budget from the onset. And by that I don’t mean picking a number and hoping that you’re going to stick within it. The budget should be reviewed item by item line and then make sure that potential suppliers understand the budget range. If your house is large enough to accommodate the numbers you’re expecting, consider hiring a caterer instead of going off site to a venue.
And of course use a checklist. You can check out our very own free party planning checklist here. Download it and customize it for your event. And then stick to it. Also, if you’re wondering what size of room you need for your event, you can use our free room capacity calculator to assist.
There is no doubt that Bar and Bat Mitzvah are important religious events. They do not need to cost a fortune, and parents should really prioritize spending with saving for their own retirement, saving for college expenses, etc, etc. At some synagogues use of the synagogue, rabbi, etc. are included at no extra charge for synagogue members. One can have a beautiful, memorable service without spending much money at all. There is no religious obligation to go beyond the service. Period.
People operating on a limited budget can have a Bar or Bat Mitzvah on a Friday (or Thursday) night, and have a kiddish (desert reception) after. If relatives are coming in from out of town, one could have a family lunch or dinner ordering off the menu at a local restaurant the next day. This can be beautiful, memorable and provide an opportunity to greet friends and relatives.
One could also have a Saturday service with a light lunch at the synagogue or home. Another option would be to have a more deluxe buffet lunch and a DJ to entertain friends and family after the service or to have a lunch at a park, with perhaps a bounce house or other family type entertainment.
Before deciding what to do discuss the family budget at a family meeting and ask the Pre-Bar/Bat Mitzvah family member what they really want. Don’t opt for the high priced options unless this is affordable considering all else and the Bar/Bat Mitzvah family member really wants it.
Don’t worry too much about memories. If anything, having too elaborate a reception/weekend may detract from memories of the service and family interaction, which is really what it is all about.
Ron
There are definitely ways to cut back on Bar and Bat Mitzvah event costs, but you’re still throwing a party for (usually) about 100 people. Food and beverage, venue, entertainment and photography will easily cost much more than the $10,000 minimum that you quoted, especially in a major metropolitan area (like where I am in Washington DC). Even though it is a “party for a teen” the costs aren’t much different from spending on a wedding. And you’re right, an event planner can really help to find suppliers in different price points, but we’re not magicians!
I appreciate the points made by Byrnne about event planners not being magicians, that being said a Bar or Bat Mitzvah is a religious ceremony not a party. While many people associate a “party” with it, the “party” is completely optional. One way to really minimize costs would be to have the religious ceremony and a simple reception, without having an expensive party.